The Single Most Important Thing…
The most profound insights emerge when we’re forced to sit down - lie down even, and retreat from the hustle and bustle of our daily lives.
For the last three weeks, I’ve been mostly in bed, fighting the COVID-19 virus. I’ve had three uninterrupted weeks to reflect and to set goals for the most critical next steps in my life, work, and relationships.
As I reflect on my 20+ years as a leader in the behavioral healthcare field and the work I get to do with women in leadership, I am reminded of the meandering nature of my own leadership journey. It has never been a linear path, but one characterized by both excitement and fear, boldness and silence, certainty and trepidation, victories and disappointments. I ask myself the question, “Of all of the experiences you have had up to this point in your life, when did you feel the greatest sense of personal power in your leadership journey?”
My response to that question may surprise you.
It wasn’t when my team was performing well beyond established expectations.
It wasn’t when I delivered amazing keynote presentations that knocked the socks off of the folks who “mattered”.
It wasn’t the media appearances. It wasn’t even when I received accolades from prominent community leaders for accomplishing things that had never been done before.
While I am proud of all of it, not one of those things made me intrinsically powerful as a leader.
My personal power was ignited when I recognized and embraced my human frailty - my fallibility - the fragility of my identity as a leader - and began doing my own work to decipher who I was, apart from my accomplishments.
Yes, it sounds simple. And it is.
It isn’t easy, though.
True inner transformational work requires looking honestly at yourself in ways that are not flattering or complementary or even encouraging. It means dismantling the performance-based framework that tells you that you can accomplish away your pain…or achieve away your unresolved trauma, poor self-esteem and character flaws. All lies…
For me, my journey to possessing true personal power began the moment I lost everything. It wasn’t until all of the trappings of leadership and acclaim had been stripped away from me, that I was forced to look inside myself for the answers I needed to connect with who I really was and to become the leader I was divinely created to be.
Yep. I lost everything.
Once I lost my business, I was forced to grapple with my true identity. There was nothing to hold on to or to merge with. I had to stand on my own. Not attached to some great feat. Not associated with something others were impressed by. Just me…that’s all I had. And I learned then, that I, alone, was enough.
It was a terribly beautiful experience…
And it took time for me to build resilience to the shame I felt around failing, and to resist the urge to erect socially acceptable semblances of greatness to mask my felt inadequacies as a human being…and as a leader.
It took years for me to develop authentic authority. It took years for me to recover from being stripped of the innumerable mirages of power that I had so tightly clung to.
Years…
And now, I’m here. Still on my own journey to destiny. Still learning. Still growing. Still evolving. Still becoming.
But now, I’m wiser. More discerning. More introspective. I operate now from my inner knowing. I have more joy. More appreciation for the beauty of struggle and triumph and uncertainty. It’s because I realize that those moments of struggle bring about triumph in the end.
If you find yourself answering the sacred call of leading people and have not begun the work to discover and honor your true identity, you will lack the authority to lead or influence others in transformative ways.
Notice, I did not reference your perceived power, but your authority.
There is a difference.
Power is defined as a right that is given or delegated to a person. True authority is self-possessed. It is an inner knowing that creates a sense of unmatched emotional security and unshakeable confidence.
I learned the difference between the two on my road to recovering everything I lost.
I had conflated my identity as a human being with the vision that had been placed inside of me. I operated as though the two were synonymous-like I was my business. I was what I built.
Once I lost my business, I was forced to grapple with my true identity. There was nothing to hold on to or to merge with. I had to stand on my own. Not attached to some great feat. Not associated with something others were impressed by. Just me…that’s all I had.
And I learned then that I, alone, was enough.
It was in the wake of losing everything that I gained a clear picture of who I really was and what parts of myself needed healing so that I could move forward on my life’s journey.
I became a transformational leader in those moments of solitude when no one was looking…or listening…or applauding.
Do you want to experience sustainable success and ultimate fulfillment in your life, work, and relationships? The single most important thing you must do is diligently work to heal the parts of yourself that seek to garner validation from your accomplishments. You must get crystal clear about the difference between your identity and your achievements.
There are no shortcuts here, my friend.
Whether you are an experienced business owner, a new entrepreneur, an executive leader, or an emerging one dreaming of influencing the masses, the single most important thing is the thing we are least inclined to do.
That thing requires courage. And time. And commitment. And discomfort.
Don’t skip this part. It is the very bridge that leads you to your divine destiny.
And isn’t that where we all want to end up?
Stay inspired.
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